| Author | Topic: Initiation |
Total Posts: 67
Member Since: 2012 |  posted Monday, July 09, 2012 12:26:45 AM 
This is a FIRST draft of a poem called Initiation.
She said if you want this
She said if you want this
Please my girls
Please my girls
I got two girls I roll with
Known them since I was 6 or 7
Erika got knowledge she has her Ph.D
Kim been ridin' them horses since she was four-teen
My ex said I'm just like them, you get the best of both worlds
I know you won't mind it
I can tell it's been your fantasy for a while
The way you and Erika make jokes
The way you and Kim play fight
I could see your pants stretchin' from across the room
So come get this
She said if you want this
She said if you want this
Please my girls
Please my girlsPartial IP: 4.193.21.5 |
Total Posts: 12057
Member Since: 2003
Location: I Reek Of Awesomeness | posted Monday, July 09, 2012 1:03:25 AM 
wow, my type of girl. LOL. Please finish this...Partial IP: .88.236.19 |
Total Posts: 67
Member Since: 2012 | posted Monday, July 09, 2012 1:32:35 AM
Haha thanks man. I will definetly be working on it this week. I appreciate it.Partial IP: 4.193.21.5 |
Total Posts: 1669
Member Since: 2009
Location: in comes Phil Da Agony and his 5'1 | posted Monday, July 09, 2012 12:31:13 PM
ok it doesn't rhyme and there's not much content.
you start describing their character and personalities which is ok but then the story goes nowhere. not feelin it.Partial IP: 8.8.45.231 |
Total Posts: 67
Member Since: 2012 | posted Monday, July 09, 2012 2:24:51 PM
Oh absolutely. I understand there needs to be more creativity and that it needs to be longer. This is just something I wrote real quick on a car ride. As far as it rhyming I do not feel that a poem always needs to rhyme but I will take it into consideration. Thank you very much.Partial IP: .167.34.53 |
Total Posts: 1669
Member Since: 2009
Location: in comes Phil Da Agony and his 5'1 | posted Monday, July 09, 2012 4:46:42 PM
hmm..well you did state it was a poem. my mistake.Partial IP: 200.185.61 |
