Total Posts: 13 Member Since: 2016 Location: Surrey.BC.Canada.
posted Tuesday, December 19, 2017 8:34:05 PM Sup forum, wrote another short verse on my break from work figured i post it on here.
wrote the verse to this beat here if you wanna give it a try/ get the feel
Burn tracks to ash's thats nothing to me I be cutting like slash for grabs dash like the flash i learn to inpack like crash from rushing to flee oh well i shock any like cardiac arrest knocking your chest to lock entry this aint no test better vest up against me amigo to loco my moto so nuelvo addressed only me as correcto on mics i be serving it right i say boldy consise to points i strike like knights imerging bright as satelites.
Again any feedback is appreciated/thanks again for taking the time to read this hope your day is lit fam. peace
Partial IP: 224.194.89
Total Posts: 3479 Member Since: 2003 Location: London, England
posted Wednesday, December 20, 2017 6:21:34 AM Welcome, Robbie. I can see the foundation in this, but the walls feel a little loose. It comes across as a little bit choppy to be honest. Try writing a longer verse. Sometimes my verses tighten themselves up halfway through coz I feel invested in bettering the previous line, & if need be I go back & clean up the beginning. Works for me.