Total Posts: 5 Member Since: 2012 Location: Austin, TX
posted Monday, March 05, 2012 11:30:30 PM I am still working on this but it's something I came up with not too long ago. It, of course, needs work but I want your opinion on the content. Any feedback is appreciated
Total Posts: 8 Member Since: 2012 Location: Madison Heights, VA
posted Tuesday, March 06, 2012 2:35:26 AM The beat is dope...i dug this...if u take out a word or two here or there it would flow a lot smoother! u got some ill lines Respect...
Partial IP: 6.87.7.246
K KiLLaH
Total Posts: 26 Member Since: 2012
posted Tuesday, March 06, 2012 1:17:42 PM honestly if you want feed on the content post the lyrics ill be glad to give my opinion cuz you already know you need too work on the delivery it seems but content sounds legit so far i didnt listen all the way cuz you said it yaself it needs work
Partial IP: 5.24.78.76
astronaughts
Total Posts: 49 Member Since: 2012 Location: Minneapolis
posted Wednesday, March 07, 2012 1:06:18 AM the content straight but I agree, work on your delivery. It also sounds like your flowin' under your breathe, get louder and put some passion into it. cheers.
Partial IP: 113.213.45
ticalrecords
Total Posts: 62 Member Since: 2012 Location: Louisville, Kentucky, USA
posted Wednesday, March 07, 2012 9:43:14 AM dude gotta work on that delivery man, your flow is a lil off but by the time you fix your delivery your flow will be on point. i love the sample you used, very jealous of where you got this beat. anyways keep up the work man, put more emotion into it nah mean?
Total Posts: 5 Member Since: 2012 Location: Austin, TX
posted Monday, March 19, 2012 10:56:03 PM Appreciate ya'll's feedback, here are the lyrics:
My words leave your mind ravaged like Hurricane Katrina Don’t give a fuck about you, I’m the 2005 version of FEMA Impaired judgment like a clouded membrane Set fear in your mind like an asylum of the insane I ruin your country with the imposed US sanctions The government profiting from the unpaid pensions Hatred runs for those who benefit from the innocent Come face to face and you will be shown belligerence I’m not a violent mother fucker but I ain’t afraid Call me Daniel Shay, I got an army ready to raid I change the law and seize your land Do whatever the fuck I want, yo fuck your demands Send your kids to a unjust war, killing the weak Retaliation pays a hefty price, the future looks bleak Decry a kid with a bomb strapped to his chest Right after you rape a girl and put a bullet through her breast The shit you get told is always one sided Try to look to the other side and you will be reminded We are suffering from the bullshit one way or another Harder to take in than seeing limbs flying off your mother Fairy tale life you live in will fall into the dark Can’t accept the truth even though the contrast is stark
I make you fight over religions created by the same God Disagree with me and end up in front of a firing squad Politicians you vote for are paid off like a vehicle Rise up mother fuckers, fighting for freedom is critical Free market isn’t free, it’s just an illusion Part of the 1%, I enjoy my tax paying exclusion I tell the mayors in your city to remove the protestors While the Tea Party functions with no issue mother fucker But that’s okay, I’ll just embezzle the taxpayer money Struggling families, this shit is just getting funny My paycheck is over six figures but I’m not satisfied Got the power do what I want, get any bill ratified You motherfuckers are there just to push buttons for me Vote for me next election because (haha) Democracy is free
Partial IP: .124.69.88
coastEL
Total Posts: 2154 Member Since: 2011 Location: Wigger Slam Champ
posted Wednesday, March 21, 2012 12:51:52 PM yeah , getting some good advice in here, just cut some words here and there, or work on the cadence. tits mcgee. 1
Partial IP: 168.41.169
Anarchist
Total Posts: 14 Member Since: 2012 Location: Philadelphia, PA ,USA
posted Wednesday, March 21, 2012 2:50:10 PM im feeling this joint, on point!
Partial IP: 62.241.239
YoungBlock_108
Total Posts: 5 Member Since: 2012 Location: Memphis, TN United States
posted Sunday, March 25, 2012 10:33:05 AM keep going g
Partial IP: .64.210.72
TheEko
Total Posts: 9 Member Since: 2012 Location: Utica, NY, USA
posted Monday, March 26, 2012 12:00:25 AM i agree with what most of the other people have told you already. i really see potential in you, kinda remind me of Freeway for some reason. The lyrics are sick, keep it up man! If you cut down a few words and express more emotion, i think it could be even better.
Partial IP: 67.195.103
Collision
Total Posts: 5 Member Since: 2012 Location: Austin, TX
posted Saturday, March 31, 2012 2:32:31 AM Thanks ya'll for the feedback. I really appreciate it.
posted Monday, March 05, 2012 11:30:30 PM 
